Something For Me to Fuck.

January 13th, 2024

Ive had an instagram account where I just follow anyone and everyone. It was an account I made ages ago, I think I was no more than 13 when I made it. It used to be an "aesthetics" account where I would post pictures I found from weheartit and tumblr and build colour themes. Nothing particularly special. On the posts I would sometimes rant about my life or discuss funny occurances. This is besides the point. The account has existed for a long time and there are an array of people I follow on there, some I genunely admired and others I followed just to hate on in my private domocile. I sometimes look at comment sections of scantily clad women, feeling my eyes lull to the back of my head. There is this discomfort that thrashes and beats in my chest and puts heat in my head. I feel sad and strange. Discombobulated. I know the caption goads the male veiwer, he becomes temped, the salacious photo of a woman only in underwear showing her being in the mirror saying "who wants to hit it" makes his nerves go stiff. He has to act. "ill hit it until your cheeks are red". "i dont care if its fake ill fuck you forever" and other crude commentary from living boners dripping with pre cum. I dont really have anything to say about this. mostyl that is makes me feel sick. I am disgusted by purely pronographic sexuality. AM I a puritan? I am not someone who shys away from erotica. I love sensuality. I just find these things so dirty. DIrty like a grimy corner you find in a florecent lit room. The floor has tracked dirt and dust expecially in one corner. That kind of dirty. When the room smells of cleaning products but there is a spot left behind, and its so prevasive. Its just grows larger. The allure of a woman who doesnt fully take off her clothes but coaxes you to comment like they are off. And the things you say in response. I feel this twisted sickness, like my guts are vaporizing and leaking from every orfice of my body. I hate when people hit on me. I violently despise it, because it makes me feel disgusting. What is wrong wwith playful desire, Im not sure. I dont know. I feel like a white knight ready to scream "don't talk to her like that!". Its wrong, don't treat her like that. She isn't meat.

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