Why I Made A Neocities

January 9th, 2023

Short answer:

I made a neocities as a host for my art and writing. I make long-form content very sporadically, and it's also my hobby. I want to do what I love on my own time, and if someone comes across it, I would rather it be someone with a brain that can read.

Here is the long, incoherent answer:

I've never dreamed of making a website, ever. Quite frankly, I've never cared. I never looked at a website or a line of code and wished I could do that. Only when I wanted to larp as some hacker boss, but I was going to learn Python. Not HTML. YAWN. I found learning HTML and CSS ungodly strenuous and annoying. Multiple times i wish I could just make everything in Photoshop, and it would magically work if I pasted the image in my stupid index. No, No, No. I subject you to 7 hours of w3school tutorials and snarky stack overflow responses and random neocities narcs on the r/neocites subreddit who never answer any questions. Oh yeah and have some 12 year old with a fully fuctioning site telling you how they only learned to code yesterday. Dont forget someone going “old web rules" lecturing you about the importance of HTML. I dont know why Im so bitter and apathetic right now. Even with my gripes Its satisfying when you do one thing right out of the hundreds of conflicts. I hold flexbox close to my heart even though I never do it correctly. Its nice to see something of your own come to life. Even if its strange and siorienting. Even if it looks like shit. Watching it come together and kind of show you your vision is nice. I started with the sadgrl layout, which I suppose half these dead websites do and trudged through trying to make my own thing. Again, not perfect, but I've finally been able to do things on my own! And I feel really satisfied.

I met a friend who encouraged a group of us to make neocities, and I took a crack at it. I tried making a neocities two times before. Once because my lover wanted to (gave up) second because I was convinced by Lolcow of all places. This final time, I wanted to take my art seriously and have a personal place to host it. I felt like I would quit eventually, but in my empty, monotonous days, I found myself enjoying it. Slightly. I've only been coding for a month. I'm still not great at it. My website is a strange, broken nightmare. I know the accessibility is the pits and I have a strange affinity for cursive fonts. (trying to create an accesible homepage) but to see my progress is interesting. It's still not a passion of mine. I don't want or crave to be a front-page webmaster. I just don't. I see all those sites on the homepage and don't care. I think they are admirable, but that will never be me. I think there are lots of creative and interesting people who want to display their true hobbies and talents but suck balls at coding, and I respect that. I like looking for those people because I admire their attempts. Neocities should be fun. I've spent my downtime looking at random websites. I like it. So separate, like a person ill never see again but enjoyed for the time. I've started bookmarking cool websites, so I can come back to them every once in a while. Oh, do I ramble.

I hate social media. I hate algorithms. I hate being perceived. Yet, in the deep recesses of my heart, I desire to share my interests with others and to create something that means something to others, not just myself. I want to resonate with others; I want to say something; I want to do something. I don't want to be famous. I just want to do something above myself. Social media, or the internet, is the only place I've been able to find these things. It's strange. I tried to do the whole internet artist thing and I hated it. I hate seeing numbers go up and down; I hate having to be present. I hate having to make the internet and my persona my life as soon as we meld together, and I can't discern Maïa between whatever alias I've acquired. And they eat me, devour me, and wear my skin. And I dance and dance and dance until I can't dance anymore. Then I dissapear. That's what I always do. That's why I can never keep a public page on any platform. I feel so volatile. Disgustingly vulnerable while the wave of analytics devours me. No one knows that this is my hobby. Art and poetry are personal outlets for me. I've been doing this stuff since I was 8. I always knew I'd be some guinea pig in the rat race running for some books in my stem job. Doing it until im inevitably replaced by the next mindless robot that doesn't ask for a livable wage HAHAH. Anyway. I nitpick I have towards social media is the complete lack of customization. The allure of neocities lies in its customization. I love looking at pretty things. I love looking at ugly things. I love folders, subfolders, and hidden folders. Social media does not let you experiment in any cpacity. Its boring. Everyone calls you strange or too normal. I don't care. So boring. Everyone is a normie or a strange dark triad god. Who cares! Everyone labels themselves, and we must confine ourselves to aesthetics and trends that dictate our personalities and interests. Light mode or dark mode, sir? Boring. Light mode with this hardcore sex ad or dark mode for this device that shoots your body hair off? Boring, boring, boring. I'm not a “bring back the old web” person. I don't even know what that is. I don't yearn for what I don't remember. I hate nostalgia. It smells weird and tries to sell you weird plastic shit. My website is somewhat nostalgic. It's what I like. Girly frills and lace with craft textures and tacky colour schemes. I like sozai and cutesy gifs. I like weird, ugly backgrounds and uncomfortable misclicks. But I want it to be mine. Even if it's familiar, I want it to belong to me.

I want to have my own space for what I love. That's why I made a Neocities. And my drive to make it my own is what makes me stay (for now). In general, I want to make work not only I resonate with, but others as well. Semi isolated. Also, the cool websites I've come across. Things ebb and flow. I don't see neocities lasting. I think it's a fad, but I hope it stays for the people who want to try these things. I am trying something. I don't want to buy a domain, but I want a space that isn't Tumblr, and that's cool. I know lots of people move on from neocities, but I'm having fun right now. I hope to grow more, and this can help me expand myself more.

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