“Male fantasies, male fantasies, is everything run by male fantasies? Up on a pedestal or down on your knees, it's all a male fantasy: that you're strong enough to take what they dish out, or else too weak to do anything about it. Even pretending you aren't catering to male fantasies is a male fantasy: pretending you're unseen, pretending you have a life of your own, that you can wash your feet and comb your hair unconscious of the ever-present watcher peering through the keyhole, peering through the keyhole in your own head, if nowhere else. You are a woman with a man inside watching a woman. You are your own voyeur.” -Margret Atwood
do i turn you on? does this turn you on? The pleasure I give I do not recieve
I think I'm desperate. Put the pieces together and stare at it from different angles. If I don't keep showing you, then maybe it never existed in the first place. How many times must I tell you before it feels real? I still don't think I'm the victim.
“Often father and daughter look down on mother (woman) together. They exchange meaningful glances when she misses a point. They agree that she is not bright as they are, cannot reason as they do. This collusion does not save the daughter from the mother’s fate.” -Bonnie Burstow
I'm sorry. I left you there. In the thick of it I turned my back on you, and when I became a woman he left me too. I didn't know. I was only a little girl. There is nothing to absolve me from my fate. A scorned wicked woman. I could only see glances of what he did to you and he turned to do it to me too. I couldn't help you, but I love you. When am I child and when am I woman?
Is it strange I feel so lonely? Regretful when I'm not at fault?
“If I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive.” -Audre Lorde
I have to forgive myself, there is no key to unlock me as there is no keyhole existant inside of me. For the pain and the pleasure I've rendered my being obsolete. Only me can save me
